I was having this chat with Cindy and Clarice during the week, Cindy sent this email about this Christian couple who were talking about how they love being married, it was so cute and adorable however very unrealistic to me because I am not married and I have never been married but I am sure that marriage can’t be all hunky dory all the time. Curtleigh always says “you know mos everybody is always balling on Instagram and twitter”, than I ask myself is this the kind of standard that we have set for marriage in our time, that it is always meant to be “Balling”.
I have friends that are married, I asked this specific friend this question “ Is it true that the 1st year of marriage is hard?” this was her response “But OH YES, the first year was the worst!!! It was horrendous, we turned around at the divorce court within our first year! I hated being married, I had so much regret and I was hateful and worst of all, here I was with a baby to make matters worse” And I was like she is the first person who I asked that was not afraid to admit such, I loved her honesty. She went on further to say that “But I have to be honest, it shaped the marriage to what it is today…” And to me sounded more realistic to me because it didn’t only have the good in it, it had the bad side too.
It got me thinking about Marriage Vows:
“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”
The above is the The Basic Prostestant Vow, I read the vows from other religions too like the Quaker,Unitarian , Eastern Orthodox , Muslim , Hindu, I found the “Nondenominational wedding Vow” to be most interesting:
“I, ______, take you, ______, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.”
Though all of these are different, the basic of is the same, that it’s a VOW:
oath, pledge, promise, bond, covenant, commitment, avowal,profession, sworn statement, affirmation, attestation, assurance,word, word of honour, guarantee. So beyond that, I think that the common misconception married people do make mistakes.
There is a quote by Maya Angelou which Sandie loves to quote and is “Human beings are more alike than they are unalike. We all want to be loved, respected, valued, forgiven. We have missed the human factor in all of this. Now before somebody quotes me out of context, I said mistake, not habit.
error, fault, inaccuracy, omission, slip, blunder, miscalculation,misunderstanding, flaw, oversight, misinterpretation, fallacy, gaffe,faux pas, solecism, misapprehension, misconception, misreading;
practice, custom, pattern, routine, style, convention, policy, wont,way, manner, mode, norm, tradition, matter of course, rule, usage;
I think that a lot of people struggle to differentiate between when someone has made a mistake or when it’s a habitual. It makes me think about a story I told Cindy and Clarice about my mom and dad. I think the best thing that they could have done for us was to reveal that they were human and they didn’t have it figured out all the time. Even though my dad is not very confrontational, he use to always close the door when him and my mom fought so that we didn’t have to hear them shouting at one another. Those walls were not thick enough though *laughs out loud*, point is, they still stuck together through those difficult times. I remember a time eskom came to put off our electricity, Modise was not staying with us at the time, it was just me, Rods, Mammie and Pappa. We sat in candle light, talking about and making jokes as if us being the only folks in our street not having electricity mattered. Truth be told, at that time, it was more important to be with one another as a family than being worried about electricity.
At some point or another you get to realize that it’s in the simplest of things that our loved ones find joy in, you realize that it’s about the diamond ring, or big car, the house, however it’s the reaction, the moment, the look in one’s face when they receive a gift. The warm embrace, the gratitude. Eventually, you will find out that everything you thought you knew about life is nothing compare what you will still discover, that there is beauty in not knowing, that trust is not about trusting someone else, but trusting yourself. You will get why you made the friends you made, the relationships you had, the mistakes that you have made, the lessons taught, you will your past where it belongs, understand the importance of being present. That nothing that happened in your past will change your choices now, that your passion is still your passion, watch your dreams manifest without you lifting a finger. All it needed was for you to grow into yourself, so that you can share that with your loved ones and than the rest of the world moderately. You are okay with not over compensating, saying no, not making anymore new friends, keeping up with everyone on social media, you forgive yourself quicker, no dwelling or wasting time on unnecessary sentiments or emotions. You get that addiction and habits are nothing but a state of mind, they only have the power we give it, just like certain people. You learn that death does not mean the end, that family is all you have when you have nobody, that God is within everyone of us, individuals make a community, not just 1 man.
There is this line in Frank Ocean’s- We All Try song. It goes
“i believe that marriage isn’t between a man & woman but between love and love”
That man gives me goosebumps everytime I listen to a song that he wrote. In conclusion LOVE is the reason why we are all here today, God is love and we are product of that love. My prayer is that hope in love be would rejuvenated, that every person gets back to the basic principle of what it means and what it represents.
The title of this note was actually inspired by one of my favorite tracks by Christina Aguilera. It speaks about having a physical thing going with somebody, no strings attached fling. I’ve been jamming to this song all wEek, the lyrics stuck in my head like glue and struck another thought.
How many of us have had the no strings attached fling before? And how does it guarantee that the one won’t fall for the other? If ever someone does, what will happen than?
Well, in my honest opinion, open communication has always been key in any relationship whether it be plutonic or not. It saves everyone from having any expectation of any kind. I think people bullshit each other TOO MUCH with what their real intentions are in the name of getting ass which is just purely childish in my opinion.
If its booty you want, be real with it and say it. Trust me, in the day and age we live in, you probably might not be the only 1 that’s just wants to get laid, its just few are brave enough to say it more than others. I’m writing this note especially to women as they are most likely to be the ones that fall for men that just want sex only.
In life there is always a time for everything, while you are not ready to be commited to anyone, there is nothing wrong with having a human blanket on speed dial especially this winter ***laughs out loud***.
Look if its good, and if its really what you want at that time, why not? Sex doesn’t have to mean anything more than just that until you actually want it to mean something . Just be aware of the kinda choice you making and take it for what it really is. You need to have the emotional intellegence to be able to seperate and see everything for what it is.
This is suppose to be one those fun experiences, with just 1 person that you can have a good sexual session with without having to worry if they’ll call back afterwards, or you even careless if they getting hit on by other people.
You both have to be adults about it, its an arrangement. Nothing else, nothing more,commitment free, just sex.
Let me get mine, You get yours
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Back in my days, I remember the 1st boy the I had a crush on was in my grade 5 class. I was 10 years old and he was the popular boy that spoke to me, and the rest of his friends were always mean and nasty called me all sorts of names. I could never understand why he was so nice cos he always asked me to come chill with him and his boys on our lunch breaks but I was always quiet and just listened to them cos I didn’t want to utter anything that’s going to make me look dumb and well… Gay!
So there was this 1 time when went on a school trip to the museum than to the planetarium. We had such a good time that from that night on, I kept fantasizing and dreaming about us dating and all. I started writing about this crush I had in my diary, 1 of his friends found me scribbling random stuff in my book and he decided to take it and making a mockery out of it. They laughed, my crush took my diary back from his friend than he asked me to tell him who is it I have been crushing on and I couldn’t tell him that its him.
I than lied to him the next day, told him that it was Cheyanne. A popular girl in my class, he than suggested to speak to her on my behalf, it was so embarrassing cos she totally turned me down lol. I was okay with it but than shattered when he told me about a girl he likes and all I could think of is how I wish “that girl” was me.
Anyway time passed I grew older, got more handsome with age, totally lost my bad acne in my teens. I was 21, had 2 besties from high school Rudi and Faizel. They were the 1st gay friends I ever had. We basically came out to each other when we were 15. So I was the virgin amongst us (they’ll kill me for revealing that part) so I only started dating at 17. I was the late bloomer, shy type and never really knew how to talk to boys. So there we were the fresh new group of gayboys at Simply Blue, Faizel and Rudi always stole the lime light cos they were hot, well dressed and oozed confidence.
So there was a guy I use to like at the club, he would always say hi and would start up a convo and I would be so shy cos I didn’t want to say anything stupid to scare him off. So he always asked me about my friends, just to find out that he actually wanted 1 of em and not me. Cupid always did me rowdy.
So since than i decided to cut my hair in a mohawk, I was like Samson in the bible. My hair was my super power, it gave me confidence, I developed an ego. Not too overbearing, I still stayed humble cos I didn’t believe in being arrogant about being good looking. Guys took note, being told “you hot, you gorgeous, you have a great body” became a norm to me. But it was never something that I liked as I still wanted a guy to like me for who I am and the crazy things I think about.
I am going through a new crush phase, its terrible, my tummy gets all sore and weird, I sleep late creating this little scenarios in my head, its crazy cos I even had names for our 1st puppies. I don’t like the feeling,its teRrible. So I told you about my crush so I can control myself from going insane.
Thanks for reminding me that I am human again. I have fears, liking someone is never a guarantee that they will like you or feel the same. Which is okay cos we all want different things. But it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with who we are.
I pledged to live a life with no regrets. And I don’t have any thus far. That’s why I told you about my lil schoolboy crush.
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.
Everybody in their lifetime has had a friend or someone that they wanted to be more than friends with. I have friendzoned a few guys in my life (with good reason of course) Karma was such a cow that she basically returned the favour on more than one occasion.
Is the friendzone really such a bad thing? We all heard the cliche’ that the “the best of lovers come from being good friends”. But, the question is how long do you have to wait before you can move things to the next level?
All relationships are complex, people get involved for many different reasons and they part ways mostly due to the fact that everything they thought they were going to get in those relationships is not what they signed up for initially.
The best relationship I had was with my friends as they have gotten to know me inside out. And with my bad and sometimes over bearing flaws, our friendship has goTten better and better throughout the years all because we understood that there was more to ourselves than just the individuals we potray in public.
So I have always said that I want a best friend that I could have the most amazing sex with. If I am going to grow old with somebody I must be able to talk to him cos than we both might as well be hermets at the age of 60 living in seperate homes if we can’t relate in any way.
So I don’t really fear being friendzoned at all. I’ve had a series of relationships where it was a race track, I move too fast and and its over after an hour. In my instance a month to 2months would be enough to just end it. Its almost like people are asking to be bullshitted instead of being told the truth.
There is beauty in being inlove with someone you can be yourself with for you will never be expected to change who you are. The game of love is actually simple as it needs only two different individuals that understand and respects the other for who they are but find common ground to make life easier for the other.
Telling someone how you feel especially when you are friends can never be anything easy. I believe that when it comes to love you just know when you have found the right guy/girl.
Good friends should be able to talk about anything. Even weird feelings that are sometimes unexplanable. No one wants to live a life of regret. If you inlove with a friend, let the nigga/niggress know.
Whether you going to stay in the friendzone or not shouldn’t matter. Eitherway you will always know where you stand. So why be scared?
Be a friend, love honesty. Stay Real