Skip to content

Coco’s Love Diaries- My Biggest Epiphany Yet

I was having this chat with Cindy and Clarice during the week, Cindy sent this email about this Christian couple who were talking about how they love being married, it was so cute and adorable however very unrealistic to me because I am not married and I have never been married but I am sure that marriage can’t be all hunky dory all the time. Curtleigh always says “you know mos everybody is always balling on Instagram and twitter”, than I ask myself is this the kind of standard that we have set for marriage in our time, that it is always meant to be “Balling”.

I have friends that are married, I  asked this specific friend this question “ Is it true that the 1st year of marriage is hard?” this was her response “But OH YES, the first year was the worst!!! It was horrendous, we turned around at the divorce court within our first year! I hated being married, I had so much regret and I was hateful and worst of all, here I was with a baby to make matters worse” And I was like she is the first person who I asked that was not afraid to admit such, I loved her honesty. She went on further to say that “But I have to be honest, it shaped the marriage to what it is today…” And to me sounded more realistic to me because it didn’t only have the good in it, it had the bad side too.

It got me thinking about Marriage Vows:

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”

The above is the The Basic Prostestant Vow, I read the vows from other religions too like the Quaker,Unitarian , Eastern Orthodox , Muslim , Hindu,  I found the “Nondenominational wedding Vow” to be most interesting:

“I, ______, take you, ______, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.” 

 

 

Though all of these are different, the basic of is the same, that it’s a VOW:

oath, pledge, promise, bond, covenant, commitment, avowal,profession, sworn statement, affirmation, attestation, assurance,word, word of honour, guarantee. So beyond that, I think that the common misconception married people do make mistakes.

There is a quote by Maya Angelou which Sandie loves to quote and is “Human beings are more alike than they are unalike. We all want to be loved, respected, valued, forgiven. We have missed the human factor in all of this. Now before somebody quotes me out of context, I said mistake, not habit.

Mistake:

error, fault, inaccuracy, omission, slip, blunder, miscalculation,misunderstanding, flaw, oversight, misinterpretation, fallacy, gaffe,faux pas, solecism, misapprehension, misconception, misreading;

Habit:

practice, custom, pattern, routine, style, convention, policy, wont,way, manner, mode, norm, tradition, matter of course, rule, usage;

I think that a lot of people struggle to differentiate between  when someone has made a mistake or when it’s a habitual. It makes me think about a story I told Cindy and Clarice about my mom and dad. I think the best thing that they could have done for us was to reveal that they were human and they didn’t have it figured out all the time. Even though my dad is not very confrontational, he use to always close the door when him and my mom fought so that we didn’t have to hear them shouting at one another. Those walls were not thick enough though *laughs out loud*, point is, they still stuck together through those difficult times. I remember a time eskom came to put off our electricity, Modise was not staying with us at the time, it was just me, Rods, Mammie and Pappa. We sat in candle light, talking about and making jokes as if us being the only folks in our street not having electricity mattered. Truth be told, at that time, it was more important to be with one another as a family than being worried about electricity.

At some point or another you get to realize that it’s in the simplest of things that our loved ones find joy in, you realize that it’s about the diamond ring, or big car, the house, however it’s the reaction, the moment, the look in one’s face when they receive a gift. The warm embrace, the gratitude. Eventually, you will find out that everything you thought you knew about life is nothing compare what you will still discover, that there is beauty in not knowing, that trust is not about trusting someone else, but trusting yourself. You will get why you made the friends you made, the relationships you had, the mistakes that you have made, the lessons taught, you will your past where it belongs, understand the importance of being present. That nothing that happened in your past will change your choices now, that your passion is still your passion, watch your dreams manifest without you lifting a finger. All it needed was for you to grow into yourself, so that you can share that with your loved ones and than the rest of the world moderately. You are okay with not over compensating, saying no, not making anymore new friends, keeping up with everyone on social media, you forgive yourself quicker, no dwelling or wasting time on unnecessary sentiments or emotions. You get that addiction and habits are nothing but a state of mind, they only have the power we give it, just like certain people. You learn that death does not mean the end, that family is all you have when you have nobody, that God is within everyone of us, individuals make a community, not just 1 man.

There is this line in Frank Ocean’s- We All Try song. It goes

“i believe that marriage isn’t  between a man & woman  but between love and love”

That man gives me goosebumps everytime I listen to a song that he wrote. In conclusion LOVE is the reason why we are all here today, God is love and we are product of that love. My prayer is that hope in love be would rejuvenated, that every person gets back to the basic principle of what it means and what it represents.

Its Coco

Xoxo

Advertisements

Coco’s Love Diaries – Love Is Worth It…. Always

I use to be one of those guys that use to judge women and certain gay men who chose to stay in abusive relationships. Yes, I was that feminist, thought I knew it all until life put me in that that position where I happened to fall in love with someone who ended up abusing me and I was just unable to let him go. That trick called Karma exists yall!!
That relationship over and above any other toxic relationship I have ever had the most valuable lessons. As cocky and weird as this is going to sound, you would never understand how God loves us until you fall in love with someone whom you have never thought of loving, planned to be with, or didn’t understand or couldn’t fathom, why on earth do you love this broken, bruised, troubled someone who has more issues, troubles, stress than anyone else you ever considered dating. Even though you have your own personal things going on, all you want to do is be there so you can fix it because their happiness matters to you. In fact their happiness becomes your happiness too.
I asked a few of my close friends who have been in these type of toxic relationships this question “Do you think if your ex acted right, or done right by you, do you think you would’ve stayed or still been there? ” Majority answered yes, there was only 1 who said no because they were not really in love with their previous partner. So that just tells you already that being in love does not necessarily mean you have a low self- esteem, or that you an idiot, or stupid for loving someone who turned out to be abusive. Maybe stupid in love yes but why would loving someone being stupid? If it’s because they hurt you, it doesn’t make it stupid. The only stupid thing in the world today is that nobody believes in real authentic love anymore that when it hits them in the face, they repel and do everything not have it but miss it when it’s not there. Everybody, I mean everyone, even a murderer and a rapist deserves to be loved. Sadly the people who normally do these bad things never believe that because nobody has taught them or showed them any better until you come along. Your presents in their lives is like culture shock, they fight against it, end up fighting you but they don’t want to let you go because they love you too, but they really have no idea how to show it.
When I fell in love AGAIN *laughs out loud* now, I had fears, plenty of fears, certain fears where internal due to what I have experienced, others came externally from concerns of close friends about the things I choose to share about my relationship. Having friends is awesome, especially when you have known them for years and you do not really need a reason to explain yourself however, because of the type of relationship you built with your friends, I feel like certain opinions are not needed due to how they can cloud your judgement to what is real and what they fear/concerned about. I think twice about sharing intimate details of my relationship with my best friends because I just don’t feel like sometimes/if not most times they will ever REALLY understand where I come from. My partner happens to be a private be an extremely private being, but because he understands that I am socially and personally expressive and open, he will allow me to share whatever i want to share about us, just as long it doesn’t cross that boundary where he feels like his privacy is being compromised.
Me sharing bits of my life also concerned me a little bit because of my previous public relations I had which I chose to share and didn’t work out that great, a part of me felt like I was selling a lie of a “perfect relationship” especially after him and I had our first disagreement, my anxiety levels were on steroids and I assumed the end because society believes that all proper loving relationships are doomed to fail. People will rather buy into meaningless sex, one night stands, relationships of convenience rather than taking a chance on love due to how loving somebody is perceived to be a “weakness”. I made peace that you get people who are not like me, who will never talk about their partners publicly, i understand that, it is just never been me, this is who i am. Its like the saying goes, everything in moderation, i am not doing so to market a lifestyle, I do things because I want to.
My guy met me at a time when I have already experienced what I needed to, learned all the lessons that I had to, I grew up….. That’s what I think he realizes that most of my friends don’t, that I have actually grown up, so did he, in his experiences and everything he went through. Now the other day I saw an update status on my facebook where someone posted this “ You will think you know somebody until you start staying with them than all the bullsh*t starts, My advice, do not do it” and I was like, this is super sad. If someone can take a bad experience and only take the negatives out of it and not take the positive that comes with bad experiences, its’ sad.
When they ask me “why are you in love with him” , I grin, smile and I laugh all shy and giddy because I wouldn’t know how to explain, there would be so much I would have to say, it’s like when someone would as you to tell you about themselves,everytime when you think of texting a response you would be like, there is so much to whom I am. I love him because every part of who I am he likes, he was not phased with what I look like on the outside, I suppose that’s why he rejected me in the beginning because I sent him a half nude pic trying to seduce him and it never worked L. After going through the trauma of being rejected, my ego bruised, I wanted to know why he didn’t want me and he told me that I had competition, I wanted to know who my competition was and after he showed me, I spoke to him like I spoke to my friends, he got my sense of humor, he just understood me , stripped my mind really fast, I felt like I was in the nude, and I was comfortable with it.
I am in a relationship that inspires me, EVERYDAY, Its sometimes unreal because I am not getting bored, I am kept on my toes all the time, It makes makes me want to be better, I am myself ALL the time and its okay. I am sure the question that everyone asks themselves is “But you have been here before so many times, we have seen you go through this state where you are oohh aahhh, this is it, you have found “the one” than DZENG DZENG another break up” …. My response is than we will break up. People break up, even when they love each other, it happens. I think we put too much emphasis on the perfect idea of a relationship that we miss the realities of it and that is, its two people who are very imperfect, most of all, that they are human, we most probably wont get everything right sometimes if not most of the time.
I hope the next you fall in love again, if it happens, I pray it does, hope that it’s worth it.
Its Coco
Xoxo

The !

The !

Coco’s love Diaries- Let me get mine, you get yours

The title of this note was actually inspired by one of my favorite tracks by Christina Aguilera. It speaks about having a physical thing going with somebody, no strings attached fling. I’ve been jamming to this song all wEek, the lyrics stuck in my head like glue and struck another thought.

How many of us have had the no strings attached fling before? And how does it guarantee that the one won’t fall for the other? If ever someone does, what will happen than?

Well, in my honest opinion, open communication has always been key in any relationship whether it be plutonic or not. It saves everyone from having any expectation of any kind. I think people bullshit each other TOO MUCH with what their real intentions are in the name of getting ass which is just purely childish in my opinion.

If its booty you want, be real with it and say it. Trust me, in the day and age we live in, you probably might not be the only 1 that’s just wants to get laid, its just few are brave enough to say it more than others. I’m writing this note especially to women as they are most likely to be the ones that fall for men that just want sex only.

In life there is always a time for everything, while you are not ready to be commited to anyone, there is nothing wrong with having a human blanket on speed dial especially this winter ***laughs out loud***.

Look if its good, and if its really what you want at that time, why not? Sex doesn’t have to mean anything more than just that until you actually want it to mean something . Just be aware of the kinda choice you making and take it for what it really is. You need to have the emotional intellegence to be able to seperate and see everything for what it is.

This is suppose to be one those fun experiences, with just 1 person that you can have a good sexual session with without having to worry if they’ll call back afterwards, or you even careless if they getting hit on by other people.

You both have to be adults about it, its an arrangement. Nothing else, nothing more,commitment free, just sex.

Let me get mine, You get yours

Its Coco
Xoxo

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Coco’s love Diaries- My crush phase

Back in my days, I remember the 1st boy the I had a crush on was in my grade 5 class. I was 10 years old and he was the popular boy that spoke to me, and the rest of his friends were always mean and nasty called me all sorts of names. I could never understand why he was so nice cos he always asked me to come chill with him and his boys on our lunch breaks but I was always quiet and just listened to them cos I didn’t want to utter anything that’s going to make me look dumb and well… Gay!

So there was this 1 time when went on a school trip to the museum than to the planetarium. We had such a good time that from that night on, I kept fantasizing and dreaming about us dating and all. I started writing about this crush I had in my diary, 1 of his friends found me scribbling random stuff in my book and he decided to take it and making a mockery out of it. They laughed, my crush took my diary back from his friend than he asked me to tell him who is it I have been crushing on and I couldn’t tell him that its him.

I than lied to him the next day, told him that it was Cheyanne. A popular girl in my class, he than suggested to speak to her on my behalf, it was so embarrassing cos she totally turned me down lol. I was okay with it but than shattered when he told me about a girl he likes and all I could think of is how I wish “that girl” was me.

Anyway time passed I grew older, got more handsome with age, totally lost my bad acne in my teens. I was 21, had 2 besties from high school Rudi and Faizel. They were the 1st gay friends I ever had. We basically came out to each other when we were 15. So I was the virgin amongst us (they’ll kill me for revealing that part) so I only started dating at 17. I was the late bloomer, shy type and never really knew how to talk to boys. So there we were the fresh new group of gayboys at Simply Blue, Faizel and Rudi always stole the lime light cos they were hot, well dressed and oozed confidence.

So there was a guy I use to like at the club, he would always say hi and would start up a convo and I would be so shy cos I didn’t want to say anything stupid to scare him off. So he always asked me about my friends, just to find out that he actually wanted 1 of em and not me. Cupid always did me rowdy.

So since than i decided to cut my hair in a mohawk, I was like Samson in the bible. My hair was my super power, it gave me confidence, I developed an ego. Not too overbearing, I still stayed humble cos I didn’t believe in being arrogant about being good looking. Guys took note, being told “you hot, you gorgeous, you have a great body” became a norm to me. But it was never something that I liked as I still wanted a guy to like me for who I am and the crazy things I think about.

I am going through a new crush phase, its terrible, my tummy gets all sore and weird, I sleep late creating this little scenarios in my head, its crazy cos I even had names for our 1st puppies. I don’t like the feeling,its teRrible. So I told you about my crush so I can control myself from going insane.

Thanks for reminding me that I am human again. I have fears, liking someone is never a guarantee that they will like you or feel the same. Which is okay cos we all want different things. But it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with who we are.

I pledged to live a life with no regrets. And I don’t have any thus far. That’s why I told you about my lil schoolboy crush.

Its Coco
Xoxo

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Coco’s love diaries-“Just friends” The friendzone

Everybody in their lifetime has had a friend or someone that they wanted to be more than friends with. I have friendzoned a few guys in my life (with good reason of course) Karma was such a cow that she basically returned the favour on more than one occasion.

Is the friendzone really such a bad thing? We all heard the cliche’ that the “the best of lovers come from being good friends”. But, the question is how long do you have to wait before you can move things to the next level?

All relationships are complex, people get involved for many different reasons and they part ways mostly due to the fact that everything they thought they were going to get in those relationships is not what they signed up for initially.

The best relationship I had was with my friends as they have gotten to know me inside out. And with my bad and sometimes over bearing flaws, our friendship has goTten better and better throughout the years all because we understood that there was more to ourselves than just the individuals we potray in public.

So I have always said that I want a best friend that I could have the most amazing sex with. If I am going to grow old with somebody I must be able to talk to him cos than we both might as well be hermets at the age of 60 living in seperate homes if we can’t relate in any way.

So I don’t really fear being friendzoned at all. I’ve had a series of relationships where it was a race track, I move too fast and and its over after an hour. In my instance a month to 2months would be enough to just end it. Its almost like people are asking to be bullshitted instead of being told the truth.

There is beauty in being inlove with someone you can be yourself with for you will never be expected to change who you are. The game of love is actually simple as it needs only two different individuals that understand and respects the other for who they are but find common ground to make life easier for the other.

Telling someone how you feel especially when you are friends can never be anything easy. I believe that when it comes to love you just know when you have found the right guy/girl.

Good friends should be able to talk about anything. Even weird feelings that are sometimes unexplanable. No one wants to live a life of regret. If you inlove with a friend, let the nigga/niggress know.

Whether you going to stay in the friendzone or not shouldn’t matter. Eitherway you will always know where you stand. So why be scared?

Be a friend, love honesty. Stay Real
Its Coco
Xoxo

Coco’s love diaries- Soulmates? *scratches his head*

 
 
 
Coco’s love diaries-  Soulmates? *scratches his head*
 
 
 
In 2004 my old time favourate movie premiered called “The Notebook”, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic but that movie just made my believe in soulmates
a whole lot more stronger. You may be thinking, its a movie, all love stories end like that, all happy ever after and all that jazz.
 
Noah and Allie’s story was not all that far fetched though, they were young and inlove and sometime when Noah went to war, Allie was made to believe that Noah stopped writing
and she just had to pick up the pieces of her life and move on. She found handsome guy whom she thought could give her the life she deserves and took that opportunity to allow someone else but her true love to make her happy.
Sounds familiar? Anyone that has ever been inlove and hurt trying to pick up pieces of their lives together may relate to Allie’s choice to move on. After all, How was she to know that Noah would ever come back?
Or if they were really meant to be together after all?
 
Some argue that there is no such thing as soulmates because if God really made 1 special man/woman specifically just for you, why is iyt that no1 end up with the one they really want?
Is God maybe that cruel that He thinks maybe you dont deserve  to be solely happy with just 1person alone? Is it really God’s fault that an individual does’nt see things the way you do?
Is it a case of the sins of the father? or is it just 1 deciding to blind themselves of what they really should be seeing.
 
A friend of mine asked a question that triggered this whole topic soulmates again in my head, she sat there looked at me and just asked ” Why is it that men realise when its too late? why
must something happen for them to realise what they had was the real deal and they’ll never get something more real than, that  out  of this world/universe connection?”. This question made me realise just
how complex and complicated life really is. I found it so sad that there are people out there, that know who their soulmates are but just know that they cannot be together.
 
Circumstances,  is really what I found commonly seperates to souls from being 1 unit and the choices that are made individually and not as a UNIT. So is it maybe that we allow these circumstances
to make us believe otherwise that, maybe we not meant to be together because we both won’t survive what life will throw at us.
The choice to not possibly trust whats meant to be, to what you think will be thee impossible. I think what people really run from is “the fear of anything being possible”.
 
I know that God doesnt makes mistakes and puts people in our lives to do any harm to us but to teach us something about ourselves. Yes, not everybody is going to agree with what I say but truth is, God’s timing is
always immaculate and perfect. The only thing is, we are not always ready for any plan he has for us. So when my friend asked this question :” Why is it that men realise when its too late? why

must something happen for them to realise what they had was the real deal and they’ll never get something more real than that out of this world/universe connection?”.  It made complete
sense to me why most people that are meant to be together, do not end up with each other.
Sometime or another, everybody gets that chance to be honest with themselves and its most evident even in old people when they talk about the olden days and the mistakes that they’ve made when they were younger.
 
At some point or another life always reveals to you what you have been trying to avoid, the truth always has a way of revealing itself someway or the other. It all boils down to how honest are you with yourself?
Is the safe choice always the BEST choice for you? Do you really have faith in what your heart tells you? Is taking a risk really worth it?
 
 
 
Like in the “The Notebook”, Noah and Allie were victims of circumstance, which are not always easy to overcome , they made a choice to take a leap of faith that just started with that connection. That gut feeling that opened
their eyes to a possibility of their future together, a future they believed that they were meant for. Anything else didnt matter for they had each other.
 
 
 
Its Coco
xoxo
 
 
 
 

Coco’s diary- Music:Where art though?

 

 
I have had a great passion for good music since i was lil kid from listening to the likes of the Temptations, O’Jays and all and all.
The 90s were my favourate as R&B music was at its peak and ruled music stations across the world, their music was so timeless
that when you bought a record, you knew that you would never have to get rid of it cos years later you could still listen to it and it would be like
you just bought the album yesterday. Are there still artists that actually make that kinda music?
 
From the time I was a teen I got exposed to different genre’s of music cos I was busy trying to discover who I really am and what am I here on earth for.
I have always wanted to be able to speak to the world through music as its best way I know how to express myself. And thats what I really see music as,
its a form of communication, a way of saying things without using “ordinary vocal dialog”.
 
I was speaking to a music producer and I complained about how people dont make good music anymore and he totally diagreed.
He said something that got me thinking and i quote ” There is no such thing cos as people, we wanna be spoon fed with everything, its like
when people go to church and expect the pastor to read a verse about something that they are going through and when he doesnt, he critised
for being a bad pastor cos he didnt read something that related to that particular person’s situation Cos if I was that person I would read the whole bible 1st and find a verse
thats speaks to me about my situation and go to church and listen to what the pastor’s preaching about and make refence with my own bible”.
 
 
He made a whole lot of sense, with that he made me listen to a artist called Odisee and I have never heard of this group before but their music is brilliant.
Their songs are so peotic and theor album was inspired by stories from different people they met on their tours.  He brought up a couple of other people like Janis Joplin (I
have never heard of her too) I googled the woman and I read about her and its so interesting how relevant she was. She had a beautiful voice too. So that got me thinking to back when Jimmy use to tell me
that he use to go into a music store and pic a random album from an unknown artist and just listen to it. He’s collection of music was always so interesting to me cos it always had “unknown” artist on his playlist.
So being a true artist is not always about being well known, Its really about what you good at and what you have to offer to the public.
 
So it got me thinking to what is it that we look for when we listen to music? Than I think about the time when I use to love listening  to Adele 21 and how I cant stand listening to her now.
I thought of Rihanna’s Rated R and Beyonce’s last 2 albums and how I use to idolise em and now I cant seem to connect with their music anymore. And I use to be a die hard fan of em  right.
Is it that I’ve grown up now? Or is it just that i can’t stand that every gayboy I know loves these hoochies and they’re not exclusive as they use to be anymore?
Maybe….. I think its a matter of relating to whats been played.
 
 
Yes that exactly it, really all about relating to teh music or the artist itself, We’re emotional beings and wee go through different struggles everyday. And this is exactly what made my love for music go stronger.
Music is what helped get through the most difficult of times, Its the reason why I passed my Matric exams just weeks after surviving something truamatic that happened to me.
Think about when you in a happy mood, your playlist would probably be made of house, techno, dance music basically. I remember when I was heartbroken, I use to
play “I cant make you love me-George Michael” over and over again. Now my playlist is more playful and happy cos of the headspace that I am in right now.
 
So this is what I think about when I wanna expose what I write to the world out there. I want what be  able to make music that somebody can connect with.
I want it to be relevant in a way that i’ll be able to speak for someone that cant express themselves as loudly and openly as I can. I am making a choice to just trust the public with it.
 
Music, I remember now where its always been. Its always been safe and sound in my heart.
 
Playing with sound and lyrics that I’ve selfishly kept it there just for me because I was too afraid to trust with someone else.
I trust you now.
 
Cocolish
xoxo