Coco’s Love Diaries- My Biggest Epiphany Yet
I was having this chat with Cindy and Clarice during the week, Cindy sent this email about this Christian couple who were talking about how they love being married, it was so cute and adorable however very unrealistic to me because I am not married and I have never been married but I am sure that marriage can’t be all hunky dory all the time. Curtleigh always says “you know mos everybody is always balling on Instagram and twitter”, than I ask myself is this the kind of standard that we have set for marriage in our time, that it is always meant to be “Balling”.
I have friends that are married, I asked this specific friend this question “ Is it true that the 1st year of marriage is hard?” this was her response “But OH YES, the first year was the worst!!! It was horrendous, we turned around at the divorce court within our first year! I hated being married, I had so much regret and I was hateful and worst of all, here I was with a baby to make matters worse” And I was like she is the first person who I asked that was not afraid to admit such, I loved her honesty. She went on further to say that “But I have to be honest, it shaped the marriage to what it is today…” And to me sounded more realistic to me because it didn’t only have the good in it, it had the bad side too.
It got me thinking about Marriage Vows:
“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”
The above is the The Basic Prostestant Vow, I read the vows from other religions too like the Quaker,Unitarian , Eastern Orthodox , Muslim , Hindu, I found the “Nondenominational wedding Vow” to be most interesting:
“I, ______, take you, ______, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.”
Though all of these are different, the basic of is the same, that it’s a VOW:
oath, pledge, promise, bond, covenant, commitment, avowal,profession, sworn statement, affirmation, attestation, assurance,word, word of honour, guarantee. So beyond that, I think that the common misconception married people do make mistakes.
There is a quote by Maya Angelou which Sandie loves to quote and is “Human beings are more alike than they are unalike. We all want to be loved, respected, valued, forgiven. We have missed the human factor in all of this. Now before somebody quotes me out of context, I said mistake, not habit.
error, fault, inaccuracy, omission, slip, blunder, miscalculation,misunderstanding, flaw, oversight, misinterpretation, fallacy, gaffe,faux pas, solecism, misapprehension, misconception, misreading;
practice, custom, pattern, routine, style, convention, policy, wont,way, manner, mode, norm, tradition, matter of course, rule, usage;
I think that a lot of people struggle to differentiate between when someone has made a mistake or when it’s a habitual. It makes me think about a story I told Cindy and Clarice about my mom and dad. I think the best thing that they could have done for us was to reveal that they were human and they didn’t have it figured out all the time. Even though my dad is not very confrontational, he use to always close the door when him and my mom fought so that we didn’t have to hear them shouting at one another. Those walls were not thick enough though *laughs out loud*, point is, they still stuck together through those difficult times. I remember a time eskom came to put off our electricity, Modise was not staying with us at the time, it was just me, Rods, Mammie and Pappa. We sat in candle light, talking about and making jokes as if us being the only folks in our street not having electricity mattered. Truth be told, at that time, it was more important to be with one another as a family than being worried about electricity.
At some point or another you get to realize that it’s in the simplest of things that our loved ones find joy in, you realize that it’s about the diamond ring, or big car, the house, however it’s the reaction, the moment, the look in one’s face when they receive a gift. The warm embrace, the gratitude. Eventually, you will find out that everything you thought you knew about life is nothing compare what you will still discover, that there is beauty in not knowing, that trust is not about trusting someone else, but trusting yourself. You will get why you made the friends you made, the relationships you had, the mistakes that you have made, the lessons taught, you will your past where it belongs, understand the importance of being present. That nothing that happened in your past will change your choices now, that your passion is still your passion, watch your dreams manifest without you lifting a finger. All it needed was for you to grow into yourself, so that you can share that with your loved ones and than the rest of the world moderately. You are okay with not over compensating, saying no, not making anymore new friends, keeping up with everyone on social media, you forgive yourself quicker, no dwelling or wasting time on unnecessary sentiments or emotions. You get that addiction and habits are nothing but a state of mind, they only have the power we give it, just like certain people. You learn that death does not mean the end, that family is all you have when you have nobody, that God is within everyone of us, individuals make a community, not just 1 man.
There is this line in Frank Ocean’s- We All Try song. It goes
“i believe that marriage isn’t between a man & woman but between love and love”
That man gives me goosebumps everytime I listen to a song that he wrote. In conclusion LOVE is the reason why we are all here today, God is love and we are product of that love. My prayer is that hope in love be would rejuvenated, that every person gets back to the basic principle of what it means and what it represents.