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Coco’s love Diaries- My crush phase

September 27, 2013

Back in my days, I remember the 1st boy the I had a crush on was in my grade 5 class. I was 10 years old and he was the popular boy that spoke to me, and the rest of his friends were always mean and nasty called me all sorts of names. I could never understand why he was so nice cos he always asked me to come chill with him and his boys on our lunch breaks but I was always quiet and just listened to them cos I didn’t want to utter anything that’s going to make me look dumb and well… Gay!

So there was this 1 time when went on a school trip to the museum than to the planetarium. We had such a good time that from that night on, I kept fantasizing and dreaming about us dating and all. I started writing about this crush I had in my diary, 1 of his friends found me scribbling random stuff in my book and he decided to take it and making a mockery out of it. They laughed, my crush took my diary back from his friend than he asked me to tell him who is it I have been crushing on and I couldn’t tell him that its him.

I than lied to him the next day, told him that it was Cheyanne. A popular girl in my class, he than suggested to speak to her on my behalf, it was so embarrassing cos she totally turned me down lol. I was okay with it but than shattered when he told me about a girl he likes and all I could think of is how I wish “that girl” was me.

Anyway time passed I grew older, got more handsome with age, totally lost my bad acne in my teens. I was 21, had 2 besties from high school Rudi and Faizel. They were the 1st gay friends I ever had. We basically came out to each other when we were 15. So I was the virgin amongst us (they’ll kill me for revealing that part) so I only started dating at 17. I was the late bloomer, shy type and never really knew how to talk to boys. So there we were the fresh new group of gayboys at Simply Blue, Faizel and Rudi always stole the lime light cos they were hot, well dressed and oozed confidence.

So there was a guy I use to like at the club, he would always say hi and would start up a convo and I would be so shy cos I didn’t want to say anything stupid to scare him off. So he always asked me about my friends, just to find out that he actually wanted 1 of em and not me. Cupid always did me rowdy.

So since than i decided to cut my hair in a mohawk, I was like Samson in the bible. My hair was my super power, it gave me confidence, I developed an ego. Not too overbearing, I still stayed humble cos I didn’t believe in being arrogant about being good looking. Guys took note, being told “you hot, you gorgeous, you have a great body” became a norm to me. But it was never something that I liked as I still wanted a guy to like me for who I am and the crazy things I think about.

I am going through a new crush phase, its terrible, my tummy gets all sore and weird, I sleep late creating this little scenarios in my head, its crazy cos I even had names for our 1st puppies. I don’t like the feeling,its teRrible. So I told you about my crush so I can control myself from going insane.

Thanks for reminding me that I am human again. I have fears, liking someone is never a guarantee that they will like you or feel the same. Which is okay cos we all want different things. But it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with who we are.

I pledged to live a life with no regrets. And I don’t have any thus far. That’s why I told you about my lil schoolboy crush.

Its Coco
Xoxo

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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